I am aware that nobody wants to hear my opinion on all this and that people will probably respond with things like "I'm coming to find and kill you", but here it is anyway.
This marriage business is foolish. Yes, sure, you know what, all of you just GET MARRIED. All of a sudden everyone has someone, and everyone in this castle is in love and wanting to get married. WHY. What has spurred all of this on?
Can there not be RELATIONSHIPS without the topic of MARRIAGE coming up?
I'm perfectly aware of how long the two new HOT COUPLES have been together, and in my opinion again, not that anyone wants to hear it that isn't a long enough time to decide that you want to be married.
I am not leaving this room for anything. The amount of LOVE that's going around is making me want to be SICK. And it's not because I don't have it, either. Really.
[private] I think that I am going to stay in my room forever and ever and invent and stop interacting with people. I don't know what to think of anyone, how to behave around Günter or Gwendal and I'm CERTAINLY not sure how to approach Celi, because what can I really expect...
The relationships here are driving me crazy, which I haven't mentioned here before. Conrad and Yozak got married, and I suppose that Günter and Gwendal are...sort of an item, but I can't see Gwendal really being with Günter, so I don't know...and Wolfram and Geika...and Heika and his BROTHER and the relationship dynamics in this palace are so skewed that even THINKING about them makes my head hurt.
The positive and negative energies are not balancing out, because every time one person does something to make themselves happy, someone else is hurt. It's making me feel exhausted all of the time, because aside from the fact that I can sense all of this crazy energy, the maids keep telling me everything that's going on. Including oversharing. Yes, I know that Heika's bed was on fire, I know who set that fire, and I know why he set that fire. I also know the events preceding the fire. More. Than I ever. Wanted. To. Know.
Those maids are ridiculously sneaky. It frightens me. They're more ninja than Yozak is. [/private]
At least concentrating on everybody else's problems distracts me from my own. So, I suppose everyone should go on with their lives and have problems so that I won't pay attention to mine.
I'm really...not sure...what made me finally come out and say what I did. I'm also not sure why I never said it before. It makes me wonder if perhaps I am a coward, and not as strong-willed as I like to make myself seem.
[private] Perhaps I was afraid of being hurt- and who's to say where things will lead, anyway? I...confessed...and he seemed shocked, and...excuses were made, and we parted. How am I to know how he feels...how am I to know if I've done the right thing? What if I've ruined our friendship because I couldn't be content with just that from him, what if he doesn't want to be around me anymore? I don't know what to do, aside from drown myself in my work and escape my thoughts about this. [/private]